"she's mine, no mine" "I can't help it she's my best friend"

I'm so tired of feelling like I need to compete for people's affection, for their hugs, for their smile. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not worth being someone's friend. I'm tired of feeling like I need to "Shotty" that person first so I can be their friend for that day.

I don't want to have to feel like that.
I don't want to feel like no one loves me.

I think that's why I love being apart of Jesus's life.
I don't need to compete for his affection, and I don't need to compete for his love.
He has time for everyone. He loves everyone the same. He wants to recieve attention just as much as he gives it. That's probably the reason why Alone time with Jesus is better than Alone time with anyone here on earth. He's always there.
He doesn't sit and talk to you for a bit then as soon as he gets a text message, look at it and no hear what you have to say. He won't break your heart. He won't leave you. When he makes promises, HE KEEPS THEM!

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always being compared to other people.
Don't do that to me.
I'm my own person. I am Katelynn Maria Yanes.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
So how come I don't feel that sometimes?

Dearest Brothers,
I am not OUR sister Amy. I will not overdose on that stupid drug that makes you feel good for an hour. I will not cause my body pain. I will not let my precious blood spill over a stupid boy, or a stupid craving at 6:30 in the morning. I will not betray you guys. I will not hurt your heart and not walk beside you. I will always be there. I am your baby sister. And if you know that, then why am I always the one who people think is older? What because I'm wise beyond my years and am very mature for an 18 year old? NO NO NO. I want for once for you guys to accept me. I want for once, you guys call me just to see how I'm doing. I want to hear those words. Those 3 little words that mean so much. Those 3 little words that change everything, and those 3 little words I know you mean. I wait for that day. I wait for that change to happen. I mean, I've been waiting for you guys for 18 years. So why must I be the one who is treated different? No matter what color skin I am, or my eye color, or my weight, or even hair color, I'm still your baby sister. BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY SISTER SISTER SISTER SISTER!!!! Can you understand that? I'm your baby sister. Which means, I will need to come to you for advice. That when a boy breaks my heart, you want to beat him up. That when I cry all you want to do is hold me and cry with me. You'll do anything to see me smile, because when I smile it brightens up your day. I'm waiting.........
Love,
Katelynn

Maybe that's what God is trying to teach me. That not everyone is going to be how I picture them to be. Or maybe perhaps He's trying to teach me and in HIS timing things will start to fall into place. He just wants to see if I'll keep my faith in him. Well God, I want to hope that. I want to hope that your just teaching me something and soon things will fall into place. But I don't know..I guess that's the funny thing about God. Only he knows when things are going to happen, Good or Bad, In your favor or Against your wishes.

I'm trusting you.<3
forever<3