rebirthing

Verse 1
I lie here paralytic inside this soul
Screaming for you till my throat is numb
I wanna break out
I need a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this Womb I'm suffocating
Pre-Chorus
Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I've died
Chorus
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
Right now
Right now
Verse 2
I lie here lifeless in this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause I'm ready to
I wanna break out
I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this Womb I'm suffocating
Pre-Chorus
Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I've died
Chorus
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
(I come alive somehow)
Bridge
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe you in
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive
Chorus
Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love, wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I wanna live my life, wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now I come alive somehow
(I come alive somehow)
Right now (I come alive somehow)
Right now (I come alive somehow)

by skillet

Time to say goodbye,

I guess today, for people who are back on bayshore it's their time to say goodbye to our well known and loved David Daniel Dawson. For me, not a chance. I remember in psychology that there aer 4 stages in loosing someone and I'm not even in stage one. WHAT THE HECK?! Haven't i made any progress? Listen I've said this a million times to everyone, I will say Goodbye when I feel i'm ready.

I don't know how long that's going to be, but i pray you'll be patient with me.
i'm done writing now.

just a bunch of silly first years

I've realized that even though I lost one friend, I have 7 more that are fighting with me<3 and 6 more even after my first year class. I have been blessed with them, even in rough and hard times. They are there right beside me for my shoulder's to cry on and for me to just talk to about anything and everything. I have my big sisters and my big brothers. My family. Even though we can be a little dysfuctional in God's eyes we're lovely, and more thant that. I am so blessed for them. I honestly couldn't picture myself finding out david died in a better place than this. How supportive they all have been. Even when I just want to rip my hair out and scream and just curl up in a ball and die they are the ones who coax me out of it. They help remind me that God is in control and that i am allowed to be upset and angry and hurt, but that in my time I'll get past it and grow stronger.

I love you.
everyone who's reading this, from GMC 08-09 <3
thank you for being so patient with me
and loving me in my best and worst.<3

david daniel dawson

i miss you. intensly.

why is this so hard?

I'm not ready to say Goodbye to him.
I'm not.
I'm not strong enough.

I can't loose anymore people. I'm serious. I can't bury any more friends or even say goodbye to a friendship. I can't do it. Not now, and please not in thr future. I'm trying so hard to smile, and laugh, and be myself. But the truth is i don't want to speak again. I don't want to hear my voice ever again. what's wrong with me?

RIP..tearing me apart.

I found out last night, that a very dear friend to me as well as almost all of bay shore high school graduates died very tragecially. David Dawson. I remember the first day we met. How we met.

It was my freshman year and I was going up the stairs, lost in my high school. I was nervous and tripped and my books went flying. He saw the whole thing. He giggled a little bit and told me that he always wondered if it was possible to fall up the stairs. He helped me gather my things and walked me to class. He introduced himself and gave me a hug. Ever since then, him and I were close.

So many memories i share with him.
I carried him on my shoulders one day just because we asked me to.
David was not a short guy. He gave the best hugs, and always spoke in a calming voice. He had such a sweet spirit that no one could ever really hate him. He showed what it was like to live everyday.

I miss him so incredibly much.
And this is going to be so tough.

I miss my the kid who said he'd always be there for me
when I needed him. I miss the kid that said i could be his little sister.
I miss him<3
so much.

Rest in peace David. I love you. I miss you. This stinks =(

all alone when I'm really not?

Lately I've just been feeling overwhelmed and left behind. At youth group I balled my eyes out to the point where there were no emotions later on except laughter. I really haven't spent time with my jesus in so long, and It's long overdue. Tuesday wasn't a good day at all and as a team we all found something out that some of us didn't know how to react. Well at least I didn't. I need to stop putting walls up everytime someone leaves, but it's like I get so close to them and then God removes them, maybe not permanently but for now. Kat just got engaged last night. And I knew before Ed even got down on his knee and proposed. He came over to talk to Mike(dad) around 8pm and he should've been in class. So I answered the door and looked at him and was like don't you have class and he said back to me Dont you? and I straight up told him that I've been sick all day with my head in the toilet what was his excuse and he said I need to talk to mike and at that point I knew what he needed to talk to him about.

I really don't know how to react about that. It seems that everyone is getting engaged and married in the same year same time. (I think my parents set that trend, LOL) I mean she told me this morning at 6:15 but I knew ahead of time, and I mean i smiled for her and asked questions but I really didn't show emotion. Then again it was so early and all i wanted to do was go to the bathroom and hit the sheets once more til my alarm went off. I just feel as though since everyone is leaving me, so will God.

It's like back to stage one with me.
The moment I became a christian and dedicated my life to Jesus i felt as though he may leave me. That's what I'm feeling now, but in my heart I know that he's closer than ever. If only I got my mind to believe that.

I'm not sure.
I think time with my jesus is much needed.<3

just a season.

I have to keep fighting. Keep remember that it's just a rough season i'm going through. That the joy of the Lord can still be my strength and I can still be happy.
I need to realize that i can't give up, or back down. I'm growing and I can't and should not stop it.

C'mon katy keep fighting. It's gonna be worth it. It's gonne be worth it. It's gonna be worth it.

Jesus please just wrap me in your arms. I need you. I just want to be with you.

all i want to do..

This is will be my third post in the same day.
but i really just need to get this off my chest and my heart.

These past few weeks, all i've wanted to do is just be able to hug Jesus and crawl into his arms and love on him. like actually lean my head on his chest and feel him breath in and out. I cry when songs come on that declare how much we love jesus. And this past corem deo, i literally walked over to the cross read the letter i got and just sobbed in front of the cross. I was so tempted to hug the cross and bury my face into it, but i didn't. I just want to feel him. feel my love. my forever.

I know that the plan for my life isn't fulfilled yet, but i have those days where all i want to do is be with him. Forever.<3

my heart yerns for more of him.
my heart longs to just be with him
and see his face and feel his hands.
I love you.
I'm mad for you.
don't ever leave me.
I am just a mortal without you.

I love you, my love.
my forever<3

Sister from Penn-Del

i feel as though your falling back into your old habits.
i know it's hard, but you gotta stay strong. there was a reason i was writing Isaiah 41:13. I may not have known right away but when you told me I then knew why.

your strong my sister.
you need to keep fighting.
don't let satan knock you down and keep you down.
i love you and we'll fight this together.

yes, there are times when i know you want to quit and pick up that phone when he calls but if you do, you'll get sucked back into what you wanted to get out of.
i'm always here for you.

I know it may not seem like it but i am.
i'm sorry i'm so busy but i will never be to busy for you.
although it does seem like it, but God's doing some things in me.

Please open your heart up to him more.
He wants to be more than just a friend.
he wants to be your husband, best friend, daddy.

I love you girl.
always

growing up...

So I've been thinking alot lately. And it's just it seemed when i was younger, that life seemed to make sense. That scrapped knees were so easy to fix with a bandaid and boys had cooties. That playground adventures never grew old and dinosaurs still existed in the hearts and minds of others. That babydolls became actual children and boys wanted to become your husband. Oh those days.

struggling.

completly. god i need you. please.

letters<3

I got a letter in a bottle from my daddy, and a message from him he spoke through daniel. I just want to curl in his arms and stay there. I love you.

Mylove, my forever<3,

And I shed a few tears and everything becomes okay.

So for no reason last night I started thinking about the youth kids and every that I've grown close to over the past 9 months and i realized that i don't want to leave them at all. Like I've grown close to them all and just love them with all my heart and I really just don't want to leave until I come back next year. I want to be with them. The only thing is I don't want this to be my new box and grow here and just stay here, but it's like all those times when I wanted to Go home and leave and hate everyone and want nothing to do with anyone, those were the times where they stuck close and i've never had that. It's like they have become my family even the kids in youth group. I finally started getting close to alot of them when we saw them at Penn-Del and I actually hung out with them and they wanted to hang out with me. It was incredible.

It just breaks me heart that I am going to be away from everyone for 3 months. I mean I don't want to sound like this is my new comfort zone, but I love everyone so much.

everything I've been through like the ripping of things God has done and is still continuing to do like I'm me again. Like how i am today was how i was when I first accepted Christ, this was me before the deciding to smoke and fall short during those dreadful years.

WOW.
God is amazing, and i am just more in love with him everyday.
my husband, my king, my true love<3
i love you forever.

masters commission, simple youth, FVWC leaders and church goers(lol) I love you all and have grown fairly attached to you guys. because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

forever.

how grateful I am that you chose to die.
that you chose to fall in love with me
and chose me to be a warrior.
How much i fall in love with you more and more everyday.
how much the yern to be with you where there is no hatred and pain
but at the same time, love everything you've created.
I just love how everyday your there with me
and always find me fastinating.
Every little silly thing i do, you just smile and love me more
and i find it incredible that you teach me little things everyday
I love you.
my husband, my forever<3

a new battle

I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep fighting.

pro's<3

my hair is getting longer.
I'm actually fighting.
I love everyone
I'm myself.
I love jesus with all my heart.

i just want to hug my sister

and cry in her arms.
that's really all i want.
I want to fight, and I want to overcome
I want to shed tears but enjoy every second of it.

I just want to hug my big sister.
I think i'll do that.

tomorrow, forever, iloveyou<3

Redemption

I trust in you for life to live, and air to breath.
Purity fills my lungs.
I no longer live in solitude.
No longer bound.
My heart beats with great devotion.
This is the start to a new beginning.
On my knees praying for mercy.
Hands raised high, humble and broken.
Wanting your grace.
Wanting your security.
Memories of laying face down, motionless, with such a hollow feeling inside.
Soon I would end this life I was living.
I am just a man with a heart and sinful hands.
I am a fallen victim.
Lord, show me the way.
I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way.
Take me in your arms.
Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.
Be my strength.
Be my voice.
Be my glory.
Set me free.

So I'm listening to August Burns Red and the song that comes on, i immediatly fall in love with the song. It's bascially a prayer. and I keep listening to it over and over again and I just feel so in tuned with the lyrics.

Thanks!

fighting

I'm going to fight this battle
I'm going to win this battle.
Since the battle is already won!

I can only do it with you by my side.
I loveyou daddy.