all alone when I'm really not?

Lately I've just been feeling overwhelmed and left behind. At youth group I balled my eyes out to the point where there were no emotions later on except laughter. I really haven't spent time with my jesus in so long, and It's long overdue. Tuesday wasn't a good day at all and as a team we all found something out that some of us didn't know how to react. Well at least I didn't. I need to stop putting walls up everytime someone leaves, but it's like I get so close to them and then God removes them, maybe not permanently but for now. Kat just got engaged last night. And I knew before Ed even got down on his knee and proposed. He came over to talk to Mike(dad) around 8pm and he should've been in class. So I answered the door and looked at him and was like don't you have class and he said back to me Dont you? and I straight up told him that I've been sick all day with my head in the toilet what was his excuse and he said I need to talk to mike and at that point I knew what he needed to talk to him about.

I really don't know how to react about that. It seems that everyone is getting engaged and married in the same year same time. (I think my parents set that trend, LOL) I mean she told me this morning at 6:15 but I knew ahead of time, and I mean i smiled for her and asked questions but I really didn't show emotion. Then again it was so early and all i wanted to do was go to the bathroom and hit the sheets once more til my alarm went off. I just feel as though since everyone is leaving me, so will God.

It's like back to stage one with me.
The moment I became a christian and dedicated my life to Jesus i felt as though he may leave me. That's what I'm feeling now, but in my heart I know that he's closer than ever. If only I got my mind to believe that.

I'm not sure.
I think time with my jesus is much needed.<3