why is this so hard?

I'm not ready to say Goodbye to him.
I'm not.
I'm not strong enough.

I can't loose anymore people. I'm serious. I can't bury any more friends or even say goodbye to a friendship. I can't do it. Not now, and please not in thr future. I'm trying so hard to smile, and laugh, and be myself. But the truth is i don't want to speak again. I don't want to hear my voice ever again. what's wrong with me?