2009 isn't what i hope it'd be

neither was 2008, 2007, or 2006
and I've really come to realize that I have been through hell and back in these past 4 years than I ever have in my life.
In the past 4 years I have been
-almost killed
-tried drugs
-smoked constantly
-had my heart broken more than 5 times
-trusted someone who broke me
-cut myself
-went through changes
-hated God
-loved god
-transformed
-went to Gettysburg Masters Commission
-burned bridges
-destroyed almost every friendship or relationship i ever had
-fixed some
-left some alon
-ran away
-almost killed myself
-got an amazing boyfriend
-broke up with the amazing boyfriend
-made some new friends
-lost some fantastic ones
-discovered who I am
-pushed people away
-almost left my family
-hurt my parents
-lied more than i could ever imagine
-left the church that helped me the most
-stopped trusting people
-left things broken
-went into deep depression
-buried 2 friends
-found new bands
-went through trials
-broke my cell phone 3 times
-formed a relationship with my parents
-made appointments to see a cousnelor
-ate free food
-went out to lunch with my papa
-tried to form a relationship with him
-lived off of coffee
-hung out with some old friends
-went to NJ to get wawa
-went on a pointless road trip
-Lost weight
-Found myself in Christ
-Dedicated my life to him (again)
-Remembered what it was like to be 11 and a new Christian
-found out my favorite flowers
-prayed
-read the bible
-started to trust god again.

I mean Yes, I've had some best and worst times in the past 2009 days.
And I'm thankful for my family and for them sticking with me during my best and worst times. I'm thankful for everything God has put me through because I would never have learned everything I did when I went through the good times and worst times.

I'm thankful for GOD<3












"Who is wise and understanding among you?
Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done
in the humility that comes from wisdom"
— James 3:13

i don't

I don't need you,
I don't need your approval
I don't need your friendship
I don't need for you to say "I love you"
I don't need for you to hug me
I don't need you to judge me
I don't need you to tell me everything's going to be alright.
I don't need you.
Stay with her.
Leave me.
Walk away, just like you promised me you wouldn't.
"Promises are meant to be broken" you say,
yeah well if you were even a man, you wouldn't have.
I don't need you in my life



As much as i love you, I'm letting you handle this on your own.
for when you slip and fall, I won't be there to catch you.


I lied, I'll always be there to catch you
but I won't always love you.

You

I really am starting to dislike the human race.