growing up...

So I've been thinking alot lately. And it's just it seemed when i was younger, that life seemed to make sense. That scrapped knees were so easy to fix with a bandaid and boys had cooties. That playground adventures never grew old and dinosaurs still existed in the hearts and minds of others. That babydolls became actual children and boys wanted to become your husband. Oh those days.

struggling.

completly. god i need you. please.

letters<3

I got a letter in a bottle from my daddy, and a message from him he spoke through daniel. I just want to curl in his arms and stay there. I love you.

Mylove, my forever<3,

And I shed a few tears and everything becomes okay.

So for no reason last night I started thinking about the youth kids and every that I've grown close to over the past 9 months and i realized that i don't want to leave them at all. Like I've grown close to them all and just love them with all my heart and I really just don't want to leave until I come back next year. I want to be with them. The only thing is I don't want this to be my new box and grow here and just stay here, but it's like all those times when I wanted to Go home and leave and hate everyone and want nothing to do with anyone, those were the times where they stuck close and i've never had that. It's like they have become my family even the kids in youth group. I finally started getting close to alot of them when we saw them at Penn-Del and I actually hung out with them and they wanted to hang out with me. It was incredible.

It just breaks me heart that I am going to be away from everyone for 3 months. I mean I don't want to sound like this is my new comfort zone, but I love everyone so much.

everything I've been through like the ripping of things God has done and is still continuing to do like I'm me again. Like how i am today was how i was when I first accepted Christ, this was me before the deciding to smoke and fall short during those dreadful years.

WOW.
God is amazing, and i am just more in love with him everyday.
my husband, my king, my true love<3
i love you forever.

masters commission, simple youth, FVWC leaders and church goers(lol) I love you all and have grown fairly attached to you guys. because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

forever.

how grateful I am that you chose to die.
that you chose to fall in love with me
and chose me to be a warrior.
How much i fall in love with you more and more everyday.
how much the yern to be with you where there is no hatred and pain
but at the same time, love everything you've created.
I just love how everyday your there with me
and always find me fastinating.
Every little silly thing i do, you just smile and love me more
and i find it incredible that you teach me little things everyday
I love you.
my husband, my forever<3

a new battle

I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep fighting.

pro's<3

my hair is getting longer.
I'm actually fighting.
I love everyone
I'm myself.
I love jesus with all my heart.

i just want to hug my sister

and cry in her arms.
that's really all i want.
I want to fight, and I want to overcome
I want to shed tears but enjoy every second of it.

I just want to hug my big sister.
I think i'll do that.

tomorrow, forever, iloveyou<3

Redemption

I trust in you for life to live, and air to breath.
Purity fills my lungs.
I no longer live in solitude.
No longer bound.
My heart beats with great devotion.
This is the start to a new beginning.
On my knees praying for mercy.
Hands raised high, humble and broken.
Wanting your grace.
Wanting your security.
Memories of laying face down, motionless, with such a hollow feeling inside.
Soon I would end this life I was living.
I am just a man with a heart and sinful hands.
I am a fallen victim.
Lord, show me the way.
I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way.
Take me in your arms.
Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.
Be my strength.
Be my voice.
Be my glory.
Set me free.

So I'm listening to August Burns Red and the song that comes on, i immediatly fall in love with the song. It's bascially a prayer. and I keep listening to it over and over again and I just feel so in tuned with the lyrics.

Thanks!

fighting

I'm going to fight this battle
I'm going to win this battle.
Since the battle is already won!

I can only do it with you by my side.
I loveyou daddy.